For the Love Addicts…

How did it start with you?

A glance?
A walk?
A study sesh?
A cup of coffee?

For me, it’s been a plethora: Witty arguments about the Flash over Superman, whether cheese is originally a solid or a liquid; whether Springsteen is the Boss or not (and, trust me, he is). It leads to walks. Cups of coffee (that you end up never paying for). Lots of texts. Intimate talks of family, fears, weaknesses, and dreams… followed by dreaming of the future together.

Secrets are whispered into the late night with hope they will never end, because when they do, it’s known they should’ve never carried on that late in the first place. His voice becomes familiar, his smell, his subtle mannerisms… and I love them. Absolutely love them.

He’s my goodnight and good morning. He’s that encouragement that walks with me through the day. Thoughts of inside jokes creep my mouth into a smile as I tend to daily responsibilities and deal with unpleasant people. He prays with me and I think I’ve never heard such lovely prayers in all my life. When he prays for me, I know everything is going to be fine. God listened to that one for sure.

He’s in my daydreams. I immerse myself in the warmth of the memories of how I first met him. That magical destiny that brought me together and would be recounted at my wedding. The wedding will be a simple one. Unnecessary wedding expenses will be cut, but my dress is going to have pockets, damn it (my chapstick has to go somewhere…). It will be sharp and alive, yet a blur because we’ll be so focused on one another and the journey we’re about to take through life.

Our kids will be fantastic. And he’ll be a great father, of course. Handyman. I already know he can change the oil in his car, so he’ll definitely be able to reach those high shelves, lift mattresses, and kill roaches.

Oh, and then just about the time I realize he’s the one… he leaves… and then he’s back [insert excited, party gif here]. Then he’s gone again [insert lonely nights of crying wondering why no one loves me and how I need to change my wardrobe]. Aaaand, then he’s back. And I’m thinking, what the hell? And just about the time I’m warming up to the idea that maybe he is the one, and that past year of him being distant was just a fluke in the long timeline that is my life… he tells me he doesn’t actually have feelings for me. But hey! I have been one of the best friends he’s ever had. So I cut all my hair off to get a fresh start.

And that’s hell. And that was my life. My name is Meagan Butler. And I’m a recovering love addict.

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“Because I Wanted One” Cookies

When it comes to being an intuitive eater, the holidays can be especially difficult. Part of it is from our own struggles, but another factor is peer pressure. While you are working on replacing negative food connotations in your head with a neutral outlook, others are still trapped in the good food/bad food mentality.

For example, cookies are bad for you because they are a dessert, have sugar, chocolate, potentially multiple forms of fat in them (you’ll probably gain 20 pounds overnight from eating one)… while salad is good, because it has vegetation in it.

I struggled with feeling guilty for eating food since high school. I could never just eat something for the pleasure of it. Getting fat haunted me and new forms of diets were a way of life (surprise that none of them ever stuck).

These cookies are symbolic of my determination to become an intuitive eater. There’s always a tinge of guilt when I eat candy because, in my mind, it’s a “bad food.” Not anymore! I took my favorite candy, Almond Joy, and made them into a cookie. Why? Because I like Almond Joys, I like cookies, and when I have the inkling to eat one… I’m not going to deprive myself.

For the rest of this holiday season, practice challenging negative, rigid beliefs that come into your head about food. Listen to your body’s signals and go with them, “whether they are biological, pleasure-based, or self-protective.” (Intuitive Eating, pg. 105) 

 

“Because I Wanted One” Cookies

Ingredients:

2 cups sugar
2 cups oil (coconut)
2-3 eggs
4 cups flour
4 tsp baking soda
1 tsp of almond extract
1 tsp salt
1 cup of coconut
2 oz of almonds, crushed
24 oz Ghirardelli 60% cacao bittersweet chocolate baking bar, chopped

Directions:

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In a big bowl, combine sugar, coconut oil, and almond extract. Mix the ingredients together. Add the eggs one at a time, beating well to thoroughly mix.

 

 

 

 

 

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Combine the dry ingredients in a separate bowl. Gradually add the dry ingredients to the liquid mixture. Stir well with gumption and endurance.

 

 

 

 

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Blend in the coconut. Form into 3/4″ balls and roll in sugar.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Place on ungreased cookie sheet 2″ apart. Bake at 350 degrees for 10-12 minutes.
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Let Cool.
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Melt 24oz of Ghirardelli chocolate baking bar in the microwave (30 seconds at a time; stir in between). Add the chopped almonds to the melted chocolate.
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Dip the cookies halfway into the chocolate and place on wax paper.

Clean as you go.

Intuitive Eating Exercise: Start a food journal.

“Sometimes simply noting the time of day and what you ate can give you some interesting clues about what drives your eating. Or note your thoughts before and after you eat. Do they affect how you feel? Does how you feel affect how you behave or eat? If so, how? Consider this one big experiment, not a tool for judgment.” –Intuitive Eating, pg. 102