So, I’ve got the plant, got the dog – all thriving, do I get the husband?
Short answer: I don’t care.
Not to say I don’t want a husband, but the point is that I don’t need one. I believe one of the most important parts of being a recovering codependent/love addict is looking to God to provide 100% of my affection, acceptance, approval (a lot of a’s…) – basically 100% of my everything. If I look to anything or anyone besides God for those things, it’s not going to go well. No one is going to be able to fix me like God can — and no one should want to make fixing me their life’s work.
It’s like Major Payne said in the movie… Major Payne, “I figure if the Marines wanted me to have a wife, they’d of issued me one.”
God knows exactly what we need (and want). He’s a good God and a good Father. He’s given us the best gift already: Himself. And this is accompanied by the promise of a better, brighter gift – the gift of eternal life. And not just eternal life. Eternal life without pain and misery. Without codependency and love addiction. A place where there is no fixing required.
To me, codependency is basically, 101 Ways to Surrender to God. I don’t know any better peace than the peace that comes from trusting in God for everything. Life becomes an adventure, not something to be feared.
If you are struggling with surrendering a desire to God, try this exercise my counselor gave me. It’s been super helpful for a number of desires, fears, and conflicts I’ve experienced this past year.
Letter to God:
Write a letter to God describing in detail what it is that you desire. Ask Him to remove the fear, guilt, shame… (whatever feeling is troubling you) and then ask for forgiveness for not trusting Him with your life. Thank God for what He is going to do.