I’m an hour away from not meeting the deadline for the first day of my challenge. But! I have an hour, so here’s to day one!
According to the Breaking Free workbook, people-pleasing produces three results: dishonesty, unnecessary arguments, and resentment. This character defect creates a sick cycle where you cater to others and expect them to reciprocate your generous neutrality. You’ve done your roommate’s dishes three times in a row now, so why won’t they do yours when you’ve had a busy day?
The problem is we do things with or for another person without giving them all the information. We don’t fill them in on the fact that we don’t like certain things but we’re doing them because we care for the other person. They assume that we enjoy everything they do and have an open schedule to help them any time they ask.
When we withhold how we really feel from people, we don’t allow them to truly know us. We create expectations for them that they can never meet.
The questions that each character defect covers are as follows:
How does people-pleasing harm you and keep you from being in recovery?
How does it affect others adversely and block intimacy?
Are you ready to have [God] remove this defect and learn to live without it?
If not, what are you gaining by holding on to it?
I think people-pleasing has harmed me and affected others because they don’t have a clear view of who I am. However, it has only been this past year that I have started the recovery process to clearly see my identity. I’m ready for God to remove this defect and I’m curious as to how that will look in my life. People-pleasing is so engrained into my daily that I’m not even sure about when I’m doing it. It provides comfort because neutrality or saying ‘yes’ to everything prevents awkward conflict. I’m not sure I’m gaining much but a packed planner and resentment toward obligations.
I’d like to see myself living freely in my identity and letting people connect with me. I want to communicate the necessary information with others and not leave them guessing as to why I’m upset or acting a certain way. I hope that as I process through this defect in my life, I’m able to say I can find no benefit to people-pleasing in this unhealthy fashion.
Tomorrow! Perfectionism – another way to hold me back and keep me on edge. A good processing will be taking place tomorrow afternoon…